Lol seriously. Get together, or get a room.
Even though we don’t know what this is all about, I guess we’ll just have to wait ‘cause what we are we will eventually figure out.
That someone could hurt you so much that you have to write about it.
Today all the elephants were acknowledged in the room. There was so much. I’m so glad that my friend group had that talk because we all needed it. I knew shots would be fired at the talk, which was why I didn’t want to go, but at the same time, it’s good that we all told each other our honest opinion. Jon called me out. Although I was distancing myself from him since I got back, I don’t agree at all with how he went about it.
It’s been two days since this incident, and I still think back to how he led up to it—pointing two times at other people saying “I’m fine with you on a daily basis” and then he gets to me. “I’m not fine with you on a daily basis.” The third time’s a charm; the whole room went into an uproar. Prior to this, he managed to speak about it while not mentioning my name but I knew it was about me the whole time. Everyone else thought it was about Ryan, but when he kept going after him and Ryan made up with each other, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. While he was explaining his issue with me which was basically me distancing myself from him, he was clearly upset. I’m not going to lie, maybe it was rude of me, but he didn’t address any problem he had about it. He also mentioned that he just wanted to know why he was being treated that way and said if he knew, he wouldn’t do anything about it. Because he said that, I decided to remain silent because why would I share something that wouldn’t change anything? After the shot was fired, I was pretty much in shock. I even laughed. I can’t remember how our conversation actually went and I was being careful with what I was going to say since all our friends were there. I remembered sharing things that everyone already knew, such as me liking him and other things I can’t recall, but I did tell him when it comes to rough patches in our friendship, it’s mostly me and not him. But in part it’s also him; it’s both of us. We want to show others that we’re fine when we’re not. I distance myself and he fakes it. My problem of avoiding him has been something I wanted to change for a while now, but it’s harder than just thinking about it. It’s hard to be Christ-like in this world, after all. Eventually I just didn’t know what to say to him, so we just ended it there. The mediators of this conversation told us to say one more thing to each other before we said words of affirmation. I repeated, “Just know it’s not you, it’s me.” For words of affirmation/reasons why we’re friends in the first place, he said he wanted to be my friend because I was someone who was willing to try the new things that others did not, that I was just someone to run with. Since I was already upset, I thanked him for trying, since I didn’t know what else to say. One thing that bugged me at that time was he told one of the girls the same thing he told me before we left for summer break, that he feels like himself around her and she’s one person who gets him. That hurt. After our friend talk, I went back to the dorm with the girls and just sat with them while all of us processed what just happened. After an hour or so, I went back to my room and was going to study for a couple minutes even though it was 1 a.m. After getting ready for bed, I checked my phone to find two text messages from Jon. He sent me a long text message talking about our relationship and telling me why he never wants to lose me and that he wants to be close. He told me that I’m the one person in his life that has the truest capacity to be his closest friend. He wants us to “be there for each other, for whatever it is”. I’m not going to lie, I cried reading this text, but I don’t know how I should take it. I feel like the contents of his message wasn’t “just friends” material. I want to talk to him about it, about what he means, but we’re currently not talking to each other at the moment. I don’t know how long this is going to go on.